I’m Tired.

These past few weeks at work have been incredibly difficult. Since my friend and co-worker went on maternity leave, the workload has become overwhelming. Even before she left, things were chaotic, but the continued lack of effective management has only made it worse. I’ve been scrambling to finish projects at the last minute, again and again, and it’s been draining. I feel like I’m running on fumes. Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.

Today, as I was driving home, I broke down in tears. I cried out to God, telling Him I don’t want to be in this season anymore. I’m tired—mentally, emotionally, and physically. I crave rest, but I feel stuck, weighed down by past financial decisions that have left me with limited options. That weight has slowly turned into bitterness—bitterness toward myself. I’m disappointed in the choices I made, and my mind can’t stop spiraling into a flood of what ifs.

What if I had taken my faith more seriously in my twenties? What if I had been spiritually grounded back then? Would I be in a different place today? Would I be married to a Godly man, raising a family, living a life that feels more aligned with the dreams I’ve always had?

That bitterness hasn’t stopped with myself—it’s crept into my relationships, too. I’ve started to feel jealous of my friends who are married with children. I long to be in that stage of life, and I catch myself wondering why I’m still here—in this same season that feels endless. I’m frustrated, and my heart feels like it’s going to burst from the weight of it all. It feels like I’ve been wandering in the wilderness for years, with no clear direction or destination.

Then the questions begin to flood in: Am I not praying hard enough? Is God withholding His blessings because I’m not where I’m supposed to be? Why does He feel so silent? How much longer will this season last?

To be honest, even Scripture hasn’t been comforting lately. I’ve prayed and asked God to soften my heart—to help me receive His comfort—but right now, I’m just tired. Tired and frustrated. I feel defeated. Hopeless, even.

Maybe I’m just emotional because I haven’t slept well. Maybe I’m being like Elijah, who, in his exhaustion, asked God to take his life—but all he really needed was a meal and some rest. Maybe that’s me right now. Maybe I just need a little rest and a reminder that God hasn’t forgotten me lol.