christianity – jinsil • truth

Fasting

May 19, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

I failed my fast—not once, not twice, but three times. The funny thing is, I’ve done three-day fasts before, and they were a total breeze. But those were for health reasons. This time, I tried fasting for spiritual reasons and bruh… the resistance was real.

The entire time, my mind was consumed with food. No matter what I tried to focus on, my thoughts would somehow wander back to it. It was honestly so frustrating. Leaving the house only made it worse—being surrounded by restaurants was pure torture. Temptation around every corner.

I began the fast on Friday, fully confident I’d make it through three days. WRONG. I crumbled quickly and broke the fast. As I was eating, I told myself I’d start fresh on Saturday. But guess what? Failed again. On my way home, I spotted Pepe’s and thought, Ooh, maybe a California burrito… But I accidentally took the wrong turn and couldn’t get there. I laughed to myself, thinking, Maybe God doesn’t want me to eat Pepe’s. But then I passed my favorite bento spot—and the next thing I knew, I had parked, gone inside, and placed an order. No hesitation. No looking back.

Once again, I told myself, Alright, for real this time—Sunday is the day. But guess what? After church, I ended up eating a chicken sandwich. Did I regret it? Kind of. But also… that chicken sandwich was bomb LOL.

I seriously underestimated how difficult a three-day spiritual fast would be. I assumed it would be easy since my past fasts went so smoothly. Man, was I wrong. Looking back, I really should’ve prayed before starting—asking God for the strength to get through it.

Welp. Lesson learned. I’ll be reattempting the fast next month. Round two—lesgooo LMAO.

Reflections

Restoring the Wasted Years.

May 18, 2025May 18, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

When I was 18, I looked ahead to my 20s with so much hope. I envisioned a life neatly mapped out—I believed I’d be married by 23 and have a growing family by 28. I planned it all with confidence and expectation.

But reality turned out much differently.

Looking back, what I feel most is regret. My 20s could have been a time of drawing closer to God, of deepening my faith, and serving wholeheartedly in ministry. They could have been years of becoming the woman God was calling me to be.

Instead, I chased after fleeting relationships and spent money recklessly. I gave my heart to people who didn’t deserve it, and I cried over heartbreaks that only left me feeling more empty. Rather than filling my soul with the Word of God, I filled it with material things that offered no real comfort. I tried to numb the pain with food and distractions, avoiding the emptiness I didn’t want to face.

My 20s were marked by decisions that pulled me away from God. I lived in sin, and even now, I’m still experiencing the consequences of those choices.

I wasted my 20s—and that truth is hard to carry.

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Reflections

Choosing to Stay Content in My Single Season.

May 9, 2025May 9, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

“You’ll find the right person when you least expect it.” Every time I hear that, I feel like punching a wall. It’s genuinely triggering. I wish married people realized that this kind of advice doesn’t help—it actually makes things worse. It reminds me of the kind of comfort Job’s friends tried to offer: well-intentioned, maybe, but ultimately dismissive of real pain. Of course, my suffering isn’t on the scale of Job’s, but the truth is, being single is the deepest ache in my life right now.

This discontent has been building for a long time, but it’s intensified as more of my friends have gotten married and started families. I can’t help but compare myself to them. Slowly, jealousy and bitterness—toward them and toward God—have crept into my heart. I want what they have. I want to be home, raising a child, building a life with someone. That’s the life that feels meaningful to me.

Instead, I’m exhausted—drained by the demands of corporate life. I go to work, I stare at screens, I sit in meetings, I chase deadlines. And for what? Who am I doing this for? What am I working toward? Yes, I get a paycheck, but that’s it. There’s no lasting satisfaction in it. I have no passion for climbing a corporate ladder, no interest in helping grow someone else’s empire. No matter where I work, I feel unfulfilled. The truth is, the life that seems most meaningful to me is one where I’m a wife and a mother. But I don’t have anyone. No partner, no prospects. And that’s what breaks me. I feel stuck in a place I don’t want to be.

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Reflections

Sermon Reflection #1 (May 04, 2025)

May 4, 2025May 5, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

It’s been quite a while since I went to church on my own. I think the last time was sometime last year, and even then, it was just a visit. For nearly two years, I haven’t been attending church consistently. I struggled to commit. The idea of finding a church with sound doctrine and stepping into a new community felt overwhelming. Time after time, I told myself I’d start looking for a church—only to keep putting it off.

Recently, though, I felt a strong conviction from God. I realized that if I truly want to learn and grow, I need to find a church home and get plugged in. So I decided to visit Calvary Chapel. A good friend had told me that the pastor’s teachings aligned with my beliefs, so I planned to attend the 10 a.m. service.

But when I arrived, the parking situation was chaotic. The line of cars trying to get in was long, and since it was my first time, I wasn’t sure where to park. The traffic flowed only one way, so I had to loop around just to try again. On my second attempt, I accidentally pulled into the senior-only parking area. After spending over 20 minutes trying to find a spot, I felt frustrated so I decided to head back home.

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Reflections

Dreams of Clogged-Up Toilets

May 3, 2025May 4, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

For some reason, I’m able to recall some of my dreams including those from my childhood. One recurring theme throughout these dreams was the presence of backed-up toilets. Let me explain. In these dreams, I would find myself desperately searching for a restroom, only to discover that every toilet I encountered was clogged with menstrual blood, feces, and urine. They were some of the most revolting toilets I’ve ever seen. I would move from stall to stall, growing more frustrated with each attempt, but no matter what, I couldn’t find a clean toilet where I could relieve myself.

If I had that one dream only once then that would be the end of it. But these backed-up toilets have appeared in my dreams more than 10 times—10 different nights. When something keeps recurring like that, it feels like it might be trying to tell me something. I looked it up online, and I found a few interpretations. Apparently, dreaming about clogged toilets can mean:

It might symbolize feeling like I can’t release emotions or situations that are weighing me down.
It could also be tied to physical concerns, like issues with menstrual health or digestion.
It might represent feelings of vulnerability, shame, or a lack of control over my life.
Or it could suggest there’s something emotionally or psychologically that I need to “clear out,” but I’m struggling to do so.

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James

James 1:1-18 | Testing of Your Faith

May 3, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

When we encounter trials, our natural, sinful tendency is often to become discouraged or even resentful toward God. Yet James exhorts us, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” He doesn’t say if you face trials, but when—trials are inevitable. How we respond to them will either deepen our faith or draw us into sin. The choice lies not in avoiding hardship, but in how we endure or persevere.

Trials do not create our faith rather they test and reveal it. In seasons of difficulty, they expose the depth of our trust in God. When we respond with genuine, wholehearted reliance on Him, trials can produce steadfastness and patience. But if we receive them with a bitter or resistant heart, they may instead breed discouragement and resentment.

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