life – jinsil • truth

The Grass isn’t Always Greener on the Other Side.

May 19, 2025May 19, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

They say comparison is the thief of joy—and they’re right. When you’re constantly looking at what others have, it becomes harder to appreciate what’s in front of you. Discontentment and jealousy creep in, and soon enough, your focus shifts from gratitude to lack.

Lately, I’ve caught myself falling into that trap. Comparing myself to others. Wondering why I’m not where they are. But in the midst of that spiral, I was reminded of a powerful church activity I did back in high school.

One Sunday, during small group, our leader handed each of us a slip of paper and asked us to write down something we were struggling with. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote—probably something about struggling with lust—but I remember the process clearly. We folded our papers and placed them in a jar. After giving it a good shake, she scattered the folded notes across the floor and began to open them one by one.

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Reflections

Fasting

May 19, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

I failed my fast—not once, not twice, but three times. The funny thing is, I’ve done three-day fasts before, and they were a total breeze. But those were for health reasons. This time, I tried fasting for spiritual reasons and bruh… the resistance was real.

The entire time, my mind was consumed with food. No matter what I tried to focus on, my thoughts would somehow wander back to it. It was honestly so frustrating. Leaving the house only made it worse—being surrounded by restaurants was pure torture. Temptation around every corner.

I began the fast on Friday, fully confident I’d make it through three days. WRONG. I crumbled quickly and broke the fast. As I was eating, I told myself I’d start fresh on Saturday. But guess what? Failed again. On my way home, I spotted Pepe’s and thought, Ooh, maybe a California burrito… But I accidentally took the wrong turn and couldn’t get there. I laughed to myself, thinking, Maybe God doesn’t want me to eat Pepe’s. But then I passed my favorite bento spot—and the next thing I knew, I had parked, gone inside, and placed an order. No hesitation. No looking back.

Once again, I told myself, Alright, for real this time—Sunday is the day. But guess what? After church, I ended up eating a chicken sandwich. Did I regret it? Kind of. But also… that chicken sandwich was bomb LOL.

I seriously underestimated how difficult a three-day spiritual fast would be. I assumed it would be easy since my past fasts went so smoothly. Man, was I wrong. Looking back, I really should’ve prayed before starting—asking God for the strength to get through it.

Welp. Lesson learned. I’ll be reattempting the fast next month. Round two—lesgooo LMAO.

Reflections

I’m Tired.

May 14, 2025May 18, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

These past few weeks at work have been incredibly difficult. Since my friend and co-worker went on maternity leave, the workload has become overwhelming. Even before she left, things were chaotic, but the continued lack of effective management has only made it worse. I’ve been scrambling to finish projects at the last minute, again and again, and it’s been draining. I feel like I’m running on fumes. Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this.

Today, as I was driving home, I broke down in tears. I cried out to God, telling Him I don’t want to be in this season anymore. I’m tired—mentally, emotionally, and physically. I crave rest, but I feel stuck, weighed down by past financial decisions that have left me with limited options. That weight has slowly turned into bitterness—bitterness toward myself. I’m disappointed in the choices I made, and my mind can’t stop spiraling into a flood of what ifs.

What if I had taken my faith more seriously in my twenties? What if I had been spiritually grounded back then? Would I be in a different place today? Would I be married to a Godly man, raising a family, living a life that feels more aligned with the dreams I’ve always had?

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Reflections

Choosing to Stay Content in My Single Season.

May 9, 2025May 9, 2025by myscho93Leave a Comment

“You’ll find the right person when you least expect it.” Every time I hear that, I feel like punching a wall. It’s genuinely triggering. I wish married people realized that this kind of advice doesn’t help—it actually makes things worse. It reminds me of the kind of comfort Job’s friends tried to offer: well-intentioned, maybe, but ultimately dismissive of real pain. Of course, my suffering isn’t on the scale of Job’s, but the truth is, being single is the deepest ache in my life right now.

This discontent has been building for a long time, but it’s intensified as more of my friends have gotten married and started families. I can’t help but compare myself to them. Slowly, jealousy and bitterness—toward them and toward God—have crept into my heart. I want what they have. I want to be home, raising a child, building a life with someone. That’s the life that feels meaningful to me.

Instead, I’m exhausted—drained by the demands of corporate life. I go to work, I stare at screens, I sit in meetings, I chase deadlines. And for what? Who am I doing this for? What am I working toward? Yes, I get a paycheck, but that’s it. There’s no lasting satisfaction in it. I have no passion for climbing a corporate ladder, no interest in helping grow someone else’s empire. No matter where I work, I feel unfulfilled. The truth is, the life that seems most meaningful to me is one where I’m a wife and a mother. But I don’t have anyone. No partner, no prospects. And that’s what breaks me. I feel stuck in a place I don’t want to be.

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